BIG BAD: Hi. I’m Alice, a thirty-something ex-bodyguard. I live to sleep in, but I rarely get the chance now that I’m living above my small-town’s dinner theater. Between self-absorbed actors slamming doors at all hours and the theater cat that won’t leave me alone... I swear he knows I’m allergic. Also, he led me straight to the corpse of the theater’s leading lady. Thanks, cat.

BIG BUCKS: I’m Alice, a thirty-something ex-bodyguard, and DNA tests are the Devil. My brother Charlie took one, and it turns out he’s only my half-brother. Our parents aren’t around to explain things, but Charlie tracked down his real father, in the fancy-pants spa town the hill over. Charlie’s father is loaded. Or he was until someone killed him.

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